It's hard to look back on those early journal entries. I guess I stopped writing because those 'teachable' moments came too quickly, and wore on me just as fast. Things that were funny were...ok, the kids were still hilarious and remained so until the end, but the inevitable ups and downs of the administration, other teachers, and in essence just the entire damn department of education just wore on me.

I am definitely not the same person I was when I moved. Some of that can be attributed to being in charge of the education of 120 teenagers every day, all day, but some of it can definitely be traced to my personal life, which I didn't write a lot about on this blog. I guess I was trying to be positive about the whole thing. So now I know what DOESN'T work, and I'm finally admitting to myself that I'm standing in some sort of rubble that I'm just not comfortable with. I drank to make it go away (until I woke up), I watched too much terrible TV (until I fell asleep), and I spent my time on inappropriate people (until they or I realized we'd rather be drinking or watching TV without the other person).

Where does this leave me? I still have no idea. I turned on my parents ipod today and danced for a half hour to ELO and the talking heads in their family room, alone. It felt great. I felt invincible, and sweaty, and then I drank all my dad's lime carbonated water. Then I felt kind of sick so I sat down.